Dear fictionist!
While you have been writing your fascinatingly creative fictions and enjoying reading those of others, we have been working very hard to bring to you a new and more refined version of fictionthis site.
Incorporating your feedback, comments, criticisms and suggestions, we hope to now launch into the active stage of fictionthis.com - compiling the book that we have all been waiting for.
A sneak peek of the improved site can be viewed here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjwciCrESVg
We are hoping to start the book in the next few weeks with one of our top 5 fictions. Further voting can still change the top 5, so please read, write and vote! The current top 5 are:
1. http://www.fictionthis.com/fiction/bobbybluebabaloo/68.html
2. http://www.fictionthis.com/fiction/Peril+to+City/164.html
3. http://www.fictionthis.com/fiction/Dinsky/63.html
4. http://www.fictionthis.com/fiction/Lonely+Acrobat/195.html
5. http://www.fictionthis.com/fiction/gabzlotin/11.html
You can read and rate more at: http://www.fictionthis.com/vote.html
We will let you know as soon as we are ready to select the first fiction, and start the book!
Thank you for your continued patience and support,
Your Fictionthis Team
A message from the fictionthis.com site
Fictionthis Update is *Finally* coming...
A little preview of the redesign...
We are hoping that with this update the book will actually commence. So thank you for your continuing support and stay tuned!
21 Economic Models explained with Cows - 2008 update
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
Hot off the Press #1
Welcome to the first fictionthis.com newsletter!
Site News
When you log in, you will notice "My Profile" in the top left hand corner of the screen. Here, you can change some of your details (eg. your password), as well as view all the submissions you have made. If you have not yet activated your account, you can choose to have the activation link resent to you through this page.
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Our Guinness World Record Attempt
Great news! We have been approved by Guinness World Records to go ahead with our Record attempt. We're ironing out the finer details, but we are incredibly excited about this great opportunity to literally write our way into history! Email your friends and invite them to be part of this attempt.
Selected Submissions
"Rodger Maverly has never really left Emporia. Never did he have a reason. Seems, though, that everyone he knows has found their way out." by Dinsky
"Charlie, chapped lips and loose teeth, got out of bed. He had big plans for the future, big plans indeed. Staring at his reflection, he couldn't help but smile. This ragged fellow before him, torn clothes, sunken eyes and hollowed cheeks would be gone soon." by bobbybluebabaloo
Link we Love
Wordscount will analyze up to 20 pages of your text to give you a great variety of useful and some not so useful statistics. As well as metrics such as total word count, number of sentences and syllables, it even gives you the percentage of demonstrative pronouns and a level of vagueness. The analysis also includes a readability index for your writing, links to an online glossary for each word appearing in the document and even a breakdown of the frequency of the use of each letter (Wordscount through The Writer's Technology Companion)
What do you think about the site? Leave us your thoughts in the comments below!
May the fiction be with you!
Woman's Week at the Gym
Dear Diary,
For mother's day this year, my daughter Susan, (the dear)purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 50 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal
trained named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!
The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was
around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Brad's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.
Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop.
Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in
the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
THURSDAY :
Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
FRIDAY :
I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone
softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
SATURDAY :
Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner.
However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
SUNDAY :
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.
I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
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